Handling things wrong again today. I want to say all the right things. Be the one with vision and foresight. And I keep saying the wrong things. My mojo is way off.

Here is an example: I know from years of experience at Koko that small companies often make the mistake of thinking that short term dollars are more important than profitability. Cash flow is king they say. I may lose money on this deal, but we need the money for next weeks payroll. This is a mistake of bankruptcy proportions. A company should only do something unprofitable if they think that the effort involved will directly yield a profit in the future. Example: Invest in a big technology item like a laser cutter for sheet metal. This will allow you to be more profitable in the future by cutting costs for sheet metal construction and installation labor. Another example: Invest in building a technology product which you can resell easily rather than take on short term projects.

It takes vision and guts to choose the profit path. You have to see the big picture. Profit sustains a company forever. Project cash only pays next weeks payroll.

So anyway, I believe all of this whole-heartedly, but I can not seem to convince people that this is a truism. That profit is king and not short term cash. I remember when I tried to explain this to my partners at Koko. They didn’t want to believe me either. I think it is the WAY I am explaining it. I think I may be a terrible “convincer”.

In all of the biographies I have read, there always seemed to be a seminal moment when the hero gets his/her big break. Someone who believed in them and taught them how to accomplish what they dreamt. A mentor.

I am in a bad mood today. Maybe it’s biorhythms. Maybe my body chemistry is wreaking havoc on my disposition.

Although it’s tempting to think so, I think it is not my body chemistry. I think something is inside of my brain that is itching. Some anger or fear or resentment or regret. It’s like a little troll that eats at the foundations of my mind.

The death toll for the tsunami in the Indian ocean is over 50,000 people. Dead, just like that. One minute you are on the beach staring at a cutie in a thong and then you notice the giant wall of water moving towards you. You could run, but it wouldn’t matter. It is coming and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You have time for about 45 seconds of activity. Scream? Run? Or go over to the cutie in the thong and cop a feel. Do you think God would mind if you did that, but otherwise led a decent life? I imagine he would be lenient. God loves a drowning man.

Would you die of drowning or of the impact of the waves? What terrible tsunami is approaching me? What terrible event is slowly working its way to me? Do we have a destiny?

I need to go home. Hungry, Tired. Bad mood.

Computers are cheap cheap cheap and I cant buy one. All our money is in the house. I hope my career goes well. No mentor yet.

Happy Solstice everybody! This is the time of year that Katie and Glen try to explain our holiday celebrations. Usually we fail to make people understand. But, hey, there is always next year. Here is my synopsis in bullet point form:

• We are celebrating the Winter Solstice on Dec 25, despite the fact that the solstice is on Dec 21. Inconsistent, maybe, but when you buy your own house, you can make up whatever rules you want.
• We don’t have any religious items or talk about religion during the holidays. The name Jesus does not ever come up. Judah “The Hammer” Maccabee does come up in relation to Hanukah.
• There are many Gods. Gods who listen if you say, “Today is going to be a great day”. Gods who know if you do something bad, like pick on someone or steal. Gods who paint the sky with pretty colors just for you. Gods who are there when people and fish die to make sure they are ok. Lots of Gods. Not one God.
• There is also a man called Kris Kringle (Santa Claus) who administrates all of the gifts throughout the world. Some gifts come straight from the fat man himself, and others come directly from family. He is not in charge of birthday presents.
• We have a tree with decorations and lights on the house because they are fun and pretty.
• We tried to celebrate Hanukah AND Christmas, but found it difficult and unpleasant. The kids were expecting too many presents and were hopped up like kangaroos in heat for 2 weeks. We open up all the presents on Dec 25. If anyone isn’t happy with that arrangement, they can save their presents for the children’s birthdays. We believe the Gods of Presents Giving support us in this position. The God of commercialism does not support our position and says we should buy presents MORE often. Now.

I got Jared a guitar. He loves it and wants to sleep with it. My master plan is to have him become good with it and then use his powers of song to woo women. (For him, not for me). For Ethan I got a bat. My master plan for him is to use the bat to knock women over the head and drag them back to the cave. No seriously, he will be a sports star and woo the women that way. Yes, my present giving is far-sighted.

First, I assume that I am completely right, logical and thoughtful.
Second, I remember that all my assumptions are suspect.

JibJab is funny by the way. They do such a good job with production quality.

Oh and try out this awesome new Google Suggest Beta. Very impressive use of XMLHttpRequest.

I started The Power Broker this morning. At almost 1200 pages, it is daunting. It won the Pulitzer, so I am hoping it is worth the ride.

On the child front, Jared is a pain in the butt. His answer to EVERY question is no. Want to go outside? No. Want to stay inside? No. Are you a good boy? No. Are you a bad boy? No.

No means no,
no is always no,
if he says no
it means a thousand times no.
Finger pointing, eyebrows low.
Mouth in the shape of the letter O.
Red means stop, do not go.
No, No, No.

Terrible Two for sure. He is so stubborn. He must get that from Uncle Daniel.

Just finished Between Silk and Cyanide.

Leo Marks certainly had an interested few years during WWII. I found myself feeling jealous. As a child, I always thought I had a destiny. A part to play in something important. That I would make my mark on the world somehow. 1995-2002 was my interesting time, but I feel it was somewhat anti-climatic. I wonder if I have a rendezvous with destiny at some point in the future.

Anyway, the book was excellent. I always appreciate a piece of art that I can learn something from and this book had some juicy bits of wisdom. Here is an original poem from Leo Marks below which I especially liked. Leo Marks died in 2001.

The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours

The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause

For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours
and yours

• Do some shopping (already did some, need to do more)
  One item I got Jared was a guitar for 3 year olds. I hope he can learn how to use it. I always wanted to know how to play an instrument, but alas, I had no patience and no musical talent. Which is why I married Katie. She has BOTH!
• Clean up and organize office (getting some progress here)
• Throw away bench. Must get rid of it!
• Decorate our Solstice Tree. Yes, its a Solstice Tree. Not a Christmas tree. Please let us have our solstice tree in peace.
• Help penny with her computer (will do tonight)
• Watch the Jets pummel the Seahawks.
• Clean up garage/house. Get ready for the holidays.
• Find inner peace and solve the world hunger problem

Yesterday, my brother’s fiancee was on Who wants to be a Millionaire? I have no idea how she got on the show, but it’s cool. They give you money just for answering trivia questions! You do have to listen to Regis though. Oh well, no such thing as free lunch.

Big news! Jared pooped on the potty this morning. We showered him in love and gave Ethan and Jared cookies. He looked so proud and shy at the same time. Like he was thinking, “I know that pooping in the potty is cool, but I am not going to be anyone’s dancing monkey! You don’t own me.” But the smile was there, hidden behind his lips. He gave me a big hug. Also Ethan is getting very close to wearing underwear to bed instead of pullups. Exciting!

It will be nice in 3 years (assuming no more bundles of joy??) when we don’t have any more diapers to change.

Conversation from this morning:

Ethan asked, “Why do you have to go to work, daddy?” He clearly didn’t want me to go.

I told him that I go because they ask me to do a particular job there and if I do it, they give me money. We use the money to buy food and toys and clothes and pay for the house. All of those things are needed by our family. And If I don’t go, then we can’t have those things…no clothes, no house, no toys, no food.

I also mentioned (at Katie’s urging) that I chose a particular job that I enjoy. I chose a job that I am good at. I didn’t get into the idea that this is a luxury and not always possible.

The important thing I wanted to convey was a sense of the reality of the world. Money is required to live in society. The more of it, the better. But this doesn’t mean that everyone should be a banker. We have skills and we have aspirations. The important thing is to architect your life so that those skills and aspirations can earn you enough money to provide for a family sustenance and for occasional luxuries.

Money is the reason I go to work. I would much rather spend time with Ethan.

This is great, Yiddish with Dick and Jane..