I used to hate wearing hats. They would feel uncomfortable. I never used one while playing tennis until this year. At some point, I bought a can of tennis balls that came with a nice looking hat from Wilson. I wasn’t wearing it, but while playing tennis I started to feel the top of my head tingle. Sort of like a sunburn in the making feeling. I realized, my hair has fallen out so badly, that I am in danger of getting a bald-spot sunburn. This depressed me greatly. I decided to give the hat a try.
Surprisingly, the hat felt comfortable. I knew my “bangs” no longer showed in the front of my head. Bangs are my memory of hair. Now I have scalp. Scalp sucks. I put on the hat and looked in the mirror. I saw my fathers scalp in front of my eyes. I was now, REALLY depressed. But it felt good to have the hat while playing tennis. I know I looked like a doofus, but it felt good. Until I cut my hair.
I cut my hair pretty short and when I put on the hat, I could feel the fabric with my head. My damn bald spot again! I could FEEL the hat with my head. I was really annoyed. I tried to ignore and eventually stopped feeling it, but still. I mean…come on! COME! ON!
I had the thickest hair! Look at this picture when I met Katie. It’s like a goddamn beaver crawled on my head! It’s thick and luxurious! Look at it! LOOK AT IT! Man. I have fallen apart. Look at this one. The fish has more hair than me. All that I ask is that I can survive long enough to transfer my soul into a nanobot body that can have as much hair as I want. Is that too much to ask?