The Magic Analytics Machine

I wish I had a magic analytics machine.  You could ask it any question you want and it would blink a LED lights, beep boop a few times, click clack click and within 10 seconds, spit out the answer.  It would be able to tabulate people’s thoughts or impossible data to collect.  It could even ask future questions.  Some questions I would ask:

  1. How many blue whales are there in the oceans right now?
  2. If Obama lost the next election, where would the DOW Jones Industrial average be in 2016?  What if he won?
  3. Show me a chart of my personal happiness month over month for my whole life.  Compare that with other groups.
  4. What percentage of money goes out from the government in ways I would agree with?
  5. How much money is stolen or embezzled?  Show me a year-over-year chart for the last 200 years.
  6. How many planets have intelligent life?
  7. How many people said they don’t vote but actually do?  What about the opposite?
  8. What percentage of people think about these sorts of things on a daily basis?
  9. How many Gods are there?
  10. What year will be my happiest?

I wish I had a magic analytics machine.  I wonder if the world would change if we all had access to these answers.  It would make voting easier, for sure.  It might make me depressed.  Maybe happy.  I wish I had a machine to tell me if having that machine would make me happier.

2 Replies to “The Magic Analytics Machine”

  1. Wow, that would be a horrible user experience or life experience. Because you could ask it:
    * What does my wife want for her birthday?
    * What is Glen thinking right now? Has it to do with work/sex/politics/me/… ?
    * What gods are worth worshipping and what is the benefit?

    In other words any notion of privacy, freedom (even of thought) or argument would go right out the window with it. And so would hope and change (because if you knwo the outcome do you really want to put in the effort?). What would you do all day long except of slave labor in order to provide the basics of survival.

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