I haven’t used Listernine in years.  I was in Rite-aid this morning, buying Claritin and I saw the Listerine.  I was looking for one for the kids, but I thought it might be better to try it on my own first.  It’s ADA certified so I felt confident.  I took a swing and started swishing around.  Immediately, my mouth started to burn horribly.  Then it got worse.

My gums receded immediately.  My nose hairs started to smolder.  My head started to spin.  I quickly looked at the bottle.  30 seconds!?  Crap.  Keep going.  Tough it out, man!  You can do it!

Finally, 25 seconds (I couldn’t make it) elapsed and  I spit it out.  I then swished with water 3 times.  My mouth was on fire!  Holy crap!  What the hell is this?!?  SOme sort of nail polish remover?  Wow, that is some serious stuff.

My friend Bobby said he takes Listerine twice a day, every day.   Plus he brushes his teeth at mid-day.  I wondered if some traumatic event happened in his childhood.  I can picture his mom in a pink bathrobe looking menacingly at Bobby saying, “Who has a dirty mouth?  Yeah, you know you do.”  (let your imagination run wild here)  How else can I explain someone purposefully setting their face on fire twice a day?

Anyway, my teeth feel clean.  My mom should be happy.