Told You So Failure

I’ve wanted to build this app for decades. Last year, I finally got up the nerve to go to Upwork.com and get a freelancer to do it. The project is now over and I have to call it the worst project I ever worked on. Complete nightmare. Total failure. I spent $4,000 and got exactly nothing in return except heartache and misery.

The project started off with a bad decision. I wanted to build it using BlockChain technology and they did not follow directions. They built it using PHP. I should have stopped the project immediately. Unfortunately, I thought it was OK and could continue. Mistake #1.

Then there were many iterations where they did not understand the designs or did not follow instructions. Each mistake was small and they corrected them, but I should have called the project done way back then. Mistake #2.

Last December, the contractor said he contracted Dengue Fever and development stopped. I was shocked, but I thought “OK, give them some time and wait”. Eventually, I was contacted by his sister, whom I think in hindsight was the original contractor pretending to be another person. She stopped communicating with me after a few days. The communication was weird, but I didn’t know what to do.

I asked Upwork for help and did not get much of a reply. I pressed the issue and then I was contacted by a new person named Austin. I think Austin was actually just the original contractor pretending to be someone else again, but I can’t confirm it either way.

The insane thing is that Austin tried to extort me for the source code. He would release it if I wrote a 5-star review. He didn’t ask for money, he asked for a review on Upwork. I told him that I refused to lie about the outcome and he should give me the code since I had already paid for it. He refused. We were in a stalemate.

I asked Upwork again for help and they were nice to me, but ultimately couldn’t get my money back or the source code. I dont even think the source code is worth anything anyway.

I closed the contract and wrote an honest review of the whole thing.

The mistakes were mine. I trusted people I should not have trusted. I continued a project after I knew the architecture was wrong. I did not plan ahead and get copies of the source code on a regular basis. I take full responsibility for the lost money and failure.

I often say that there are no mistakes, only learning opportunities. I usually say this to other people when they feel badly about their mistakes. I am trying to say it to myself, but having some difficulties taking my own medicine.

Regret is a heavy burden to bear. I have other regrets that have cost me dearly both financially and emotionally. When I am dozing off to sleep, those regrets keep me awake. They haunt my dreams and refuse to go away. I hate them more than I can describe. Those regrets are my nemesis.

Today is my 48th birthday. Did I live the life I wanted? What will the next half century look like? Will I have more triumphs? More regrets? Or just nothing, killing time until the end.

Holy shit, this post is depressing. Here, maybe this will make it better.

Whatya think?