LinkedIn Connection Algorithm

1. Do I personally know you?
   Accept.
2. Did we meet within the last 7 days?
   Accept, I guess.
3. Was it longer than 7 days?
   Dude, come on. Fine. Jesus. Accept.
4. Are you famous?
   I make that impressed frowny “not-bad” face. Acceptaroonie.
5. Are you a product designer?
   I click the mouse like I am giving you a secret high five. Accept-five!
6. Are you a relative?
   Ugh, serious eye roll. Fine whatever. Begrudging accept.
7. Are you a recruiter?
   You just want to connect to abuse my connections. Nice try! Ignore.
8. Are you a BDR/SDR?
   No, no, no, no.  I should publicly shame this person. I am too mean to this young person, Aren’t I? Too bad, Ignore.
9. Are you a sales person?
   I don’t want your “whatever you sell”. Ignore.
10. Did you write a nice personal note? Maybe saying something nice about my blog?
    Yay, someone knows my blog! Accept. Big smile. I have meaning in my existence!
11. Did you just do that because you read it here?
    Fucking sheeple! Ignore…nah, fine, Accept. Unless you are a sales person or recruiter.
12. Are you only connecting to me because LinkedIn randomly put my face up and you connect to everyone it suggests?
    You suck. Also, LinkedIn, you suck too. This is a stupid feature. Ignore.
13. Am I feeling generous with this meaningless connection. like somehow it provides access to the VIP room of my life? Am I completely full of myself?
    Accept.
14. What do I want to do with Jesus in my life?
    That would be a miracle indeed. Ignore.

Do you have a LinkedIn Connection subroutine? Maybe write it down? #LinkedInConnectionAlgorithm